Part 3 What makes us all tick — how one simple understanding changes everything


We shall not cease from explor­a­tion and the end of all of our explor­ing, will be to arrive where we star­ted and know the place for the first time’.

- TS Eliot

So hav­ing spent quite a long time (circa 25 years) and becom­ing a bit demor­al­ised by rest­lessly search­ing for answers for how to help (me and oth­ers) be more per­fect and nev­er quite nail­ing it… (see Part 1 What makes us all tick  — the search)

The insight

I came across this life-chan­ging under­stand­ing that made so much sense and it truly felt like com­ing home.

Our exper­i­ence of life is cre­ated 100% from the inside-out.

I now have some under­stand­ing of the prin­ciples behind our human exper­i­ence and see for myself the fol­low­ing:

  • All of our exper­i­ences both good and bad are 100% cre­ated from inside of us, in fact our mind can only work one way – it pro­jects real­ity rather than records it.
  • There is a built-in design for suc­cess our minds can nat­ur­ally tap into
  • The more we real­ise and under­stand for ourselves how our exper­i­ence hap­pens, the more we thrive per­son­ally and pro­fes­sion­ally,

And know­ing that this is true for us all – and it’s what makes us all tick – well, that has changed the whole game for me – espe­cially in terms of qual­ity of life. For more on the prin­ciples behind this insight and their implic­a­tions check-out Part 2 What makes us all tick –  the big insight

The impact

Having some fresh insights has been great, but what about the real and tan­gible impact of these insights on my day-to-day life today? Here’s my report to date:

No mat­ter what my cir­cum­stances, I can rely on a deep­er feel­ing of ok-ness – in fact this past year I’ve had some fairly major cir­cum­stances to test this out; dis­solved busi­ness part­ner­ship, ter­min­ally ill sis­ter, fin­an­cial pres­sures, jet­lag, in-laws hav­ing can­cer, per­son­al phys­ic­al ail­ments, teen­age chil­dren.

I still have good days and bad days but… that is human and that’s ok. In fact each exper­i­ence wheth­er high or low, is just that — an exper­i­ence to be exper­i­enced. And the lows are more like V’s (quick up and down) versus reeeeaaaallly loooooooong U’s (with a long vis­it to the down bit of the U).

I am much less con­cerned with what oth­ers think and more truth­ful to what is right for me. Without really try­ing or ‘work­ing on it’ I’ve kind of just seen how much of my life had been devoted to pleas­ing oth­ers so they will love/admire/respect/appreciate me. Now that I don’t con­cern myself with all of that (read — invest a LOT of time and energy) I am now free to con­nect inside and ask myself – what is ok for me? This even res­ul­ted in me telling my (fant­ast­ic and lovely) hairdress­er – not what she wanted to hear. And I got my hair done how I like it. Hard as this might be to believe – for me this is a break­through.

I am more able to stop and smell the roses (quite lit­er­ally) – I see nature more. I see beauty more. I stop for it and cel­eb­rate it. A sun­set fills the heart, a cuddle warms the soul. The smell of jas­mine fills me with joy, my friends’ smile’s lights up my day. Life feels like a gift. I remem­ber a few years back I *knew* I should be happy, giv­en how much I had – but I just wasn’t feel­ing the grat­it­ude – now grat­it­ude wells up in me every day – the sun on my face, the wind in my hair – hot water every day. But really, think about it. Hot water!

I have less blow-ups – espe­cially with my kids and hus­band, they hap­pen less often with less intens­ity and I return more quickly to centre. And believe me, my fuse can be short. Especially around logist­ics (just ask my PA). But nowadays I am more serene in gen­er­al and with logist­ics – well they can still get my goat if I’m hon­est – but now I see it as a slightly annoy­ing habit that I have – because I KNOW my exper­i­ence is com­ing from me – and not the actu­al logist­ics.

Feeling more ful­filled pro­fes­sion­ally and per­son­ally – I give less time to the fol­low­ing thought: ‘I should be bet­ter than I am at……… (fill in the blank) and as those thoughts get a lot less air­time, so do I feel dif­fer­ently. Simple but effect­ive. In fact I feel like I am liv­ing my real life. Not the one where I am look­ing in oth­er people’s win­dows wish­ing it was mine. It’s all mine and it’s all good and yet I don’t ‘have’ any more than I did four years ago.

More ideas and cre­ativ­ity with more prac­tic­al applic­a­tion and less dead ends — I have always had a con­stant stream of cre­at­ive ideas – but I have star­ted to see where they come from and that there is an end­less reser­voir of them. So I can relax around them and not feel in so much of a rush (in case that is the last good idea I ever have). And I am more able some­how to sort the wheat from the chaff and know which ideas to intu­it­ively fol­low and when I do, I have……

More serendip­it­ous con­nec­tions — I like to call it magic — but whatever — weird things are hap­pen­ing – like the bank send­ing us a large cheque for a mis­take they made and anoth­er bank offer­ing us a loan out of the blue when we were totally skint. Like friends of friends turn­ing out to be the people we have been spe­cific­ally search­ing for to help us on a pro­ject. Like lots of oth­er mir­acles that we can’t explain…

More ease, less pres­sure - I am a lot less busy and yet I seem to get more done. I seem to have more time for what I enjoy doing (and I enjoy doing more of what I have giv­en my time to). Time seems to have slowed – or maybe I am fully there for it’s passing – whatever — it feels bet­ter.

Less effort, bet­ter out­comes, more energy — I think I was try­ing too hard before – you know — to be per­fect. At everything. That takes a lot of effort and energy. No won­der I used to have the odd burnout. Now I just feel like I can take it more as it comes and when energy is needed it’s there – but the rest of the time – min­im­um effort equals max­im­um effect – I get more com­ments at the end of my work­shops with people say­ing how much they’ve loved it and learned (and iron­ic­ally how much effort they can see I put in) and hon­estly, it was like going on a barge trip for me – and it used to feel like I built the ocean liner and per­formed every cab­aret act all at once.

Results. When I am on track with my intu­it­ive wis­dom, and what it is that I really want to be doing – I am get­ting amaz­ing, effort­less res­ults – from offers of help, to money, to cli­ents, to sup­port­ers and cheer lead­ers. The best way I can express is it is in this quote from WH Murray’s The Scottish Himalayan Expedition (1951):

Until one is com­mit­ted (ie act­ing from wis­dom), there is hes­it­ancy, the chance to draw back, always inef­fect­ive­ness. Concerning all acts of ini­ti­at­ive and cre­ation there is one ele­ment­ary truth the ignor­ance of which kills count­less ideas and splen­did plans: that the moment one def­in­itely com­mits one­self (ie listen to one’s inner wis­dom), then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would nev­er oth­er­wise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision (clar­ity), rais­ing in one’s favor all man­ner of unfore­seen incid­ents and meet­ings and mater­i­al assist­ance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way’.

And so I’m now ready to share these prin­ciples and help oth­ers feel the same unas­sail­ab­il­ity in life – and feel bet­ter. Because when we think and feel bet­ter, we do bet­ter. We lead bet­ter. And lead­ers lead organ­isa­tions and organ­isa­tions can change the world.

If you’d like to hear about it all from me dir­ectly — here’s what I’m up to at the moment:

Leadership Wisdom Open Training June 6–8th, 2016

One to One Leadership Coaching pro­grammes

Bespoke Leadership team events

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Or just Get in touch for a chat.

About Elizabeth - As a State of Mind Leadership Coach with over 20 years exper­i­ence, Elizabeth Lovius helps busi­ness lead­ers dis­cov­er the source of lead­er­ship wis­dom and be real, more human and true to who they are. Elizabeth facil­it­ates real rela­tion­ships that lead to real busi­ness res­ults.

Elizabeth’s cli­ents include: Hewlett Packard, IBM, itsu, ITV, Charlie Bighams, CookFood, Pret a Manger, the English RFU and WPP group.

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