You are not your moods

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I woke up a bit grumpy and bleary eyed yes­ter­day. For some reas­on it made sense to me the night before to stay up til 1.30am and watch the Voice on catch-up on a school night. I think I was hanker­ing for a little ‘me time’ in the whirl­wind that is my life. Funny what we *think* we need.

So in the morn­ing I had that feel­ing around my eyes where tears felt one insens­it­ive com­ment away. I then got some fair feed­back on a talk I had giv­en (that I had done with a full heart and giv­en my all to )that maybe my atten­tion and been a little bit more on me than the audi­ence. Ouch (it was prob­ably true) — tears sprang up. Then I loped to my next appoint­ment — a coach­ing ses­sion with all sorts of gloomy feel­ings, try­ing (and fail­ing) to ignore them.

I was start­ing a new coach­ing rela­tion­ship with a busi­ness woman. She really reminds me of me. She was all — ‘So, what is this coach­ing thing, how does it work and what will I get out of it. Exactly What are we doing!? (The sub text seemed to me: I am busy — is this worth my time.)

Luckily I had pre­vi­ously had a chance to do a deep intake with her and spend two days with her on a team train­ing — so I knew we had a con­nec­tion — but in that moment I got her no-non­sense impa­tient self. (She wanted to work on her patience.)

I noticed how inad­equate I felt (although I have been coach­ing busy busi­ness women for 25 years) I sud­denly didn’t know any­thing about any­thing. I was my mood.

And I kind of gave up. Not as in defeat but as in, myself. I gave up my ”me-ness little me’ mood. And I just showed up present and attent­ive and listened and said what whatever made sense. By the end of the ses­sion we were so deeply in a state of peace and pres­ence that felt time­less. And she fin­ished with ‘that was a really valu­able use of my time.’ And her eyes were shin­ing.

I had my mood, but I was not my mood. Giving up my little mind can leave space for the big Mind to come and carry me where we both needed to go. And that jour­ney was so much nicer than wherever I was headed.

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